I was inspired by the words of an Olympian a month ago when she was featured in Vogue. She said she's envisioned her success for so long when it finally happened to her she didn't feel anything. My successes in life, obviously are not of the Olympian kind, but I knew what it was like to envision something and achieve and when it happens you expect a mariachi band to show up and celebrate with you but all you could think about is, "wow. this is great. okay, i gotta do laundry now." I'm not trying to be cryptic but there's a part of me that's afraid the good luck would melt away if I spoke those words aloud. I won a $2000 scholarship from WSU for the whole year. Well, almost a whole year. $1000 free and clear when school starts and another $1000 if I maintain my GPA. Just a few hours before receiving my award, I opened my pay stub and found out I received a $2.20 raise. Kind of a big deal considering I can't remember the last time I received a pay raise at work. No wait, it's about 3 boyfriends ago which makes that around 4-5 years ago. I kind of sat there and read my letters over and over again. I keep waiting for the fireworks display but all I got was nothing.
"..."
My vision of winning the scholarship and getting that raise was so strong and vivid that when it happened I almost had an entitlement to it. I felt like it was something that was bound to happen, no matter what. It's so cosmic I'm almost afraid of it. Like I have my own innate powers to mold and mend my life at will. So what is next?
