Almost two hours ago I stepped out of the office of the Seattle Education Access close to the UW campus. I came in begging for school money--$2023.00 to be exact and I left with smeared eyeliner and a rejuvenated passion for school, learning and success.
Part of the interview was discussing the gnarly bits that go into a student's life like my meager earnings, educational goals and what I plan to do when I graduate. Big, giant questions I know considering I could barely answer the simple "how science relates to technology?" homework essay in my Sociology class much less answer Big, Giant questions like what do I need to succeed in my educational goals?
Unfortunately, going to school isn't just about getting good grades and turning in your homework on time. There's finances to worry about, going to work, relationships that need to be addressed and other things that get in the way of getting your diploma.
Mentors.
I told the scholarship committee I need mentorship in my life in order to accomplish my goals and I wasn't getting any. Other than Mr. Big of course. I suppose I need the mentorship of women in my life and if things go as planned, maybe I can be a mentor to somebody else too.
And as an aside, I received an email from the Linda Lael Scholarship for Women that they've received my scholarship application.
All I have to say is, bring it on.
Stories and letters of a Virgo.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
taste of disappointment
I read "The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake" last summer and I vaguely remembered thinking how incredibly isolating it must feel to taste the feelings of the cook who prepared your food and the farmer who harvested the raw materials.
Once again I went to Chipotle for dinner. I ordered the chicken bowl--grain fed, antibiotic free chicken, organic guacamole and salsa, five star chilies, brown rice and black beans. I took one bite and more until I ate a quarter of my meal. I dipped my tortillao chips in my guacamole and I pushed it away.
My meal tasted of relationship disappointment and love turning into grief on yet another cloud day in downtown Bellevue.
Once again I went to Chipotle for dinner. I ordered the chicken bowl--grain fed, antibiotic free chicken, organic guacamole and salsa, five star chilies, brown rice and black beans. I took one bite and more until I ate a quarter of my meal. I dipped my tortillao chips in my guacamole and I pushed it away.
My meal tasted of relationship disappointment and love turning into grief on yet another cloud day in downtown Bellevue.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
now this is a true Oscar moment...
Hello Ruzielle,
Thank you for your submitting your application for the AAF Silver
Medal Scholarship. My apologies for the slow response to your inquiry about our
selection decision. And also for the delay in the selection process itself. Our
selection was delayed due to the vacation plans of members of the selection
committee.
I am extremely pleased to inform you that AAF Seattle has chosen
you as the recipient of this year's Silver Medal Scholarship!
Your application demonstrated a unique combination of scholastic
excellence, a lifetime of hard work and the clear evidence of your creative
talents as a writer and chef. These qualities made you a clear choice for
our scholarship selection committee.
AAF Seattle is very happy and excited for you to begin your time
at WSU. And it's our pleasure to present you with a scholarship grant of
$1,500.00 that you can use toward your education expenses this coming year.
Please respond to me and let me know the correct address to which
we should send your scholarship check.
Congratulations and Good Luck!
George Riddell
Secretary
| AAF Seattle
(206)-696-5195
I'm popping a champagne bottle as I write...
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Keeping still
The I-Ching has spoken: keep still. As a woman of constant motion I find it hard to keep this advice close to heart. Keep still. What does that mean? I've heard some not-so-good news last Friday which threatened to collapse my delicate ecosystem of planning and clearing up my calendar to accomodate my new life. My instinct was to cancel everything. Everything. Cancel everything and start all over. But that morning I got an email from my friend The Psychic telling me about her psychic fair in her shop in Renton. I've been carefully moving away from divinity tools because I feel like I use them too much as a shield against this disappointing world we live in.
After the disappointing news, I needed to hear from the sages on which step to take. I have a tendency to be a freaker-outer and my instinct to cancel everything I've been planning on for months and months just seems cowardly. The I-Ching lady confirmed my thoughts and even helped give me some relief over all my overriding fears and phobias. Keep still. Pick up hatha yoga or meditation. Anything that will calm my scaredy cat nerves.
After the disappointing news, I needed to hear from the sages on which step to take. I have a tendency to be a freaker-outer and my instinct to cancel everything I've been planning on for months and months just seems cowardly. The I-Ching lady confirmed my thoughts and even helped give me some relief over all my overriding fears and phobias. Keep still. Pick up hatha yoga or meditation. Anything that will calm my scaredy cat nerves.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
queen of wands
This time last year I just started working as a deli assistant in a mom and pop shop in Bellevue near the 520 bridge. I had recently quit my overly strenuous and stressful job in a huff and I was killing time by picking up shifts for an out-of-venue catering company based in Renton. My job search had been nothing but successful. Even with 7 years management and supervisory positions in the restaurant industry I could not find a job. No calls even. I'm a woman of constant motion and full capacity momentum--two weeks of unemployment is not in my tarot cards, or at least I refuse to see unemployment in my deck.
Madonna and I have the same dosha--the scorched earth, running around with our hair on fire dosha--the toxic yet unstoppable Vata Pitta combo. I like to remind myself Madonna is Madonna because she is a Vata Pitta and I remind myself being a Vata Pitta is something to be proud of, like being a Virgo and having a retirement account in your 20's.
So there I was, breathing fire and throwing fire balls into the air with no place to burn it all off. My period of unemployment and stagnant energy was killing my insides--I needed to find a job and quick before I start setting things on fire, literally. Just when I've decided I was completely unemployable I got an interview and was hired the next day. My hourly rate was down 50 cents, my commute upped to almost an hour in the heat of rush hour traffic and my job title... It was supposed to be a Deli Lead in Training but by the time my 30 days rolled around, I realized I was still a barista and my promised raise wasn't going to happen.
My perpetual unhappiness was assuaged by working insane hours. It was a balm to my empty soul. I worked 40 hours at the cafe and I worked at focus groups, paid surveys, a movie set for a while and picked up catering shifts all over town. When I do have downtime, I load up on books at the library and burn through stacks of books and going home every night staring outside my window--the heat emanating from my skin could power a Prius.
"It burns, burns, burns, ring of fire"
I was singing this song constantly not as an homage to Johnny Cash but because I felt like I had this fire burning away in my insides with no place to go. My tarot cards revealed nothing but wands and wands. Queen of Wands, the Fire Queen, she was always beside me, always next to me and I felt her everywhere I went. This was around the time I started eating fiery, spicy food. Once, I went to a Mexican restaurant and I ate a whole roasted jalapeno. I cried involuntary tears but I kept coming back, upping my spice tolerance. I kept telling myself it was my body's way of fighting my eternal sugar tooth. My body wanted to cure itself of its addiction to saccahrine. But I just wanted the heat, the spice and the warmth that lives underneath my skin.
Around this time I learned how to bake. I craved the intense heat of a professional kitchen's double convection oven blasting in my face, melting my perfect eyeliner. Employees at the corporate park gorged on my lemon bars and cake-like chocolate chip cookies. I delighted in watching people feed on my pastries; I felt like Vianne Rocher, only with luminous lemon bars.
Madonna and I have the same dosha--the scorched earth, running around with our hair on fire dosha--the toxic yet unstoppable Vata Pitta combo. I like to remind myself Madonna is Madonna because she is a Vata Pitta and I remind myself being a Vata Pitta is something to be proud of, like being a Virgo and having a retirement account in your 20's.
So there I was, breathing fire and throwing fire balls into the air with no place to burn it all off. My period of unemployment and stagnant energy was killing my insides--I needed to find a job and quick before I start setting things on fire, literally. Just when I've decided I was completely unemployable I got an interview and was hired the next day. My hourly rate was down 50 cents, my commute upped to almost an hour in the heat of rush hour traffic and my job title... It was supposed to be a Deli Lead in Training but by the time my 30 days rolled around, I realized I was still a barista and my promised raise wasn't going to happen.
My perpetual unhappiness was assuaged by working insane hours. It was a balm to my empty soul. I worked 40 hours at the cafe and I worked at focus groups, paid surveys, a movie set for a while and picked up catering shifts all over town. When I do have downtime, I load up on books at the library and burn through stacks of books and going home every night staring outside my window--the heat emanating from my skin could power a Prius.
"It burns, burns, burns, ring of fire"
I was singing this song constantly not as an homage to Johnny Cash but because I felt like I had this fire burning away in my insides with no place to go. My tarot cards revealed nothing but wands and wands. Queen of Wands, the Fire Queen, she was always beside me, always next to me and I felt her everywhere I went. This was around the time I started eating fiery, spicy food. Once, I went to a Mexican restaurant and I ate a whole roasted jalapeno. I cried involuntary tears but I kept coming back, upping my spice tolerance. I kept telling myself it was my body's way of fighting my eternal sugar tooth. My body wanted to cure itself of its addiction to saccahrine. But I just wanted the heat, the spice and the warmth that lives underneath my skin.
Around this time I learned how to bake. I craved the intense heat of a professional kitchen's double convection oven blasting in my face, melting my perfect eyeliner. Employees at the corporate park gorged on my lemon bars and cake-like chocolate chip cookies. I delighted in watching people feed on my pastries; I felt like Vianne Rocher, only with luminous lemon bars.
mercury retrograde
we must be on mercury retrograde, at least it feels like that in my life. i'm waiting to hear from three scholarship giving bodies, the person who wants to buy the house i'm selling, my advisor about my my credits, an award giving body that sent me an email sking for my bio and photo for a possible award.
on the other hand, work doesn't seem to be on mercury retrograde. i got three different calls from three places who are wanting to give me cash for work. normally i would jump and down when i get a call or an email about an opportunity to make money but i'm officially burned out. i've been working 50-60 hours for over a year now and no matter how many calls i get to pick up shifts here and there i just can't do it.
my pitta vata energy has officially burned itself out.
on the other hand, work doesn't seem to be on mercury retrograde. i got three different calls from three places who are wanting to give me cash for work. normally i would jump and down when i get a call or an email about an opportunity to make money but i'm officially burned out. i've been working 50-60 hours for over a year now and no matter how many calls i get to pick up shifts here and there i just can't do it.
my pitta vata energy has officially burned itself out.
Monday, August 6, 2012
my oscar moment
Date: Mon, 6 Aug 2012 22:03:31
To: XXXX
Subject: RE: Nomination
Hi Jeannie,
Thanks for your nomination! Could you ask Ms. Ganuelas to send us her bio and photo?
--------
Mei Lau(Kay)
Northwest Asian Weekly | Seattle Chinese Post
Northwest Asian Weekly Foundation | Women of Color Empowered
412 Maynard Ave. S. | Seattle, WA 98104
P. 206-223-0623 | F. 206-223-0626 | rsvp@nwasianweekly.com
-----Original Message-----
From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 7:18 AM
To: Rsvp NW Asian Weekly
Subject: Nomination
I would like to nominate Ruzielle Ganuelas. I have known her for several years now and find her to be someone that I value as a friend even more than a customer though she is highly valued as both. She is a stolid member of our community (the community at large as well as specifically women of color). When I heard of this award, she was the first person who came to mind. She is hard working, giving more than her share to her employers, family and friends - for instance, always seeking to make sure the company as well as the customers/clients get the very best - even above and beyond their expectations (even at times when (I feel) she has been discriminated against)! I have also seen her donate generously to worthy causes and volunteer her spare time to help others. In the rigorous schedule she keeps I don't know where she even FINDS "spare" time (and she always seems so calm and unhurried). She is an inspiration to ME (and I'm an old, white business owner) with her personal values, her work ethic, and her compassion, providing a fabulous example of a human being for those around her to look up to and pattern their lives after.
I apologize for the length of this "short" paragraph but short isn't long enough to express my admiration for this lady.
I hope you may find your way clear to find her as worthy as I see her to receive your prestigious award.
Thank you for your consideration.
Jeannie Keyes, owner
The Venus Moon
Renton, WA
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
-----
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 10.0.1424 / Virus Database: 2437/5181 - Release Date: 08/06/12
To: XXXX
Subject: RE: Nomination
Hi Jeannie,
Thanks for your nomination! Could you ask Ms. Ganuelas to send us her bio and photo?
--------
Mei Lau(Kay)
Northwest Asian Weekly | Seattle Chinese Post
Northwest Asian Weekly Foundation | Women of Color Empowered
412 Maynard Ave. S. | Seattle, WA 98104
P. 206-223-0623 | F. 206-223-0626 | rsvp@nwasianweekly.com
-----Original Message-----
From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, July 27, 2012 7:18 AM
To: Rsvp NW Asian Weekly
Subject: Nomination
I would like to nominate Ruzielle Ganuelas. I have known her for several years now and find her to be someone that I value as a friend even more than a customer though she is highly valued as both. She is a stolid member of our community (the community at large as well as specifically women of color). When I heard of this award, she was the first person who came to mind. She is hard working, giving more than her share to her employers, family and friends - for instance, always seeking to make sure the company as well as the customers/clients get the very best - even above and beyond their expectations (even at times when (I feel) she has been discriminated against)! I have also seen her donate generously to worthy causes and volunteer her spare time to help others. In the rigorous schedule she keeps I don't know where she even FINDS "spare" time (and she always seems so calm and unhurried). She is an inspiration to ME (and I'm an old, white business owner) with her personal values, her work ethic, and her compassion, providing a fabulous example of a human being for those around her to look up to and pattern their lives after.
I apologize for the length of this "short" paragraph but short isn't long enough to express my admiration for this lady.
I hope you may find your way clear to find her as worthy as I see her to receive your prestigious award.
Thank you for your consideration.
Jeannie Keyes, owner
The Venus Moon
Renton, WA
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
-----
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 10.0.1424 / Virus Database: 2437/5181 - Release Date: 08/06/12
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