Three of swords

I didn't get the internship job I interviewed for last week. Yesterday, I received a big, fat 'F' on a paper I worked really hard on. I thought the metaphor I used as a nucleus for my paper was clever, witty and well wrought. My professor thought it was a joke. I've never received an 'F' before, certainly not in a paper I shed blood, tears, and sweat over. I'm glad he thought it was a joke, considering I've received nothing but A's in his class. I keep wanting to cry. My heart is broken so many times this week I can't believe I'm still standing, and not doubled over in pain and grief.

Is there a silver lining?

I hate that expression. I'm a born pessimist, and I don't consciously look for the positive in bleak situtations.  A few days before that, I found out I was disqualified for a scholarship, because I didn't have any dependents. In the language of the Tarot cards, the three of swords meant heart break. if that were true, I have three massive swords sticking out of my chest.

I have another interview with Dream Company. I can't help but think the cosmos is pushing me towards a writer's life. I cancelled an interview with a magazine, because I was convinced I was going to get the business internship instead. I'm looking for cues somewhere, and maybe I can find answers.

Maybe the drops of blood will reveal the answers.