consciousness

This is the word of my 2012--Consciousness; perhaps I should say, the lack of consciousness in my life has lead to some rather big changes, and most of them I barely remember. A huge part of the lack of consciousness in my life, manifests itself, (unfortunately) in my finances. Money seems to always vanish from my bank account. As of this writing, I have about $9 to my name. It's a damn shame, really, considering, I'm making the most money I've ever made from a full time job and I don't have to work 2-3 jobs anymore like I used to.

In my defense, last month was the month of the SUV maintenance, going to the dentist, and paying my brother back $150 out of the $500 I owe him. Oh, and my friend was robbed of $300 and I gave her $30 towards her fundraising, and another $30 for a pizza dinner. Plus, I spent $50 in her store, because I felt bad for her. Oh, and a few days ago, I spent $21 on the worst dim sum lunch on earth. Unfortunately, I have zero interest in cooking so I tend to get something to eat on the go. Not good for my health, or my finances.

It's true what people say, it's not how much money you make, it's what you do with it. I've fallen under this stereotype. For the first time in a long time, I'm in a financially stable position but I don't have anything to show for it. I've had jobs when I worked for tips and I was able to put money on my IRA.

I'm also in school, and school has been a tremendous money drain. I'm transferring schools in January, which would effectively lower my education costs by a third.

So this is what I'm proposing, I'm going to start writing down everything I spent until I figure out a way to live and spend more consciously. I've become one of those people I hate--one of those mindless sheep consumers and I have to stop. In my defense, I tend to throw money at small business owners. So here goes, I've listed the purchases I did yesterday and today's and hopefully I can find meaning in my mindless consumerism.

Dec 4 expenditures
$2: coffee at Mike's (non-negotiable)
$7: "lunch" at Jack in the Box (terrifically bad lunch choice)
$50: gas (non-negotiable)
$6: Obama's book (a "I'm so bored" purchase)
$4.37: movie purchase at Amazon, "Jiro Dreams of Sushi" (so worth it, I never go to the movies)

Dec 5 expenditures
$0: a nice dinner at a Thai restaurant, paid for by a friend.
$6: two small frozen yogurts.

A sweet note, goodbye

I just finished a lecture about sweets and deserts in WA State on yet another frigid day in the Northwest. yes, you read that right, it's a Saturday, on my day off and I'm in a library for an Anthropology lecture. Food anthropology, I have to add, just in case everybody thinks I'm a complete nerd.

I am a complete nerd, and as I sit in the classroom, I can't wait to crack open two new books I found at the library that are begging to be read. I can't escape my nature, which is to read as if books are going extinct in two hours. Truly, books are my passion, and after reading Paterno last night I realized he and I share an obsession with words. Two very different people, but we have words linking us together across the United States.

Right after the disappointing news of being turned down for a prestigious internship, I was greeted by a very welcome news. As of this writing, I've officially been offered a position for the newly-minted Student Advisory Council Leaders within Seattle Education Access--a NGO that is near and dear to my heart. These are the moments that make failure a little bit easier to digest, and for this semester I've had quite a few; both in school and in real life. Two weeks to go and I've taken my last quiz--the final requirement for the semester in Anthropology and I'm packing up for my new life. A new life in a different college, anyway.

I'm anxiously waiting for 2013 to barge in with a marching band behind him. A new, but old college campus, including a program I designed with my friend and mentor, Dr. Polly; a new job in her NGO, and maybe, another raise and promotion in the offing.

To celebrate I went out for a dim sum lunch, and I should have had eggs and sausage next door instead. No matter--even if I don't quite it for the writing internship, and the Dean's List at WSU--I'm going to be happy and content, just until the winds of change start to kick my doors gaping open.

Three of swords

I didn't get the internship job I interviewed for last week. Yesterday, I received a big, fat 'F' on a paper I worked really hard on. I thought the metaphor I used as a nucleus for my paper was clever, witty and well wrought. My professor thought it was a joke. I've never received an 'F' before, certainly not in a paper I shed blood, tears, and sweat over. I'm glad he thought it was a joke, considering I've received nothing but A's in his class. I keep wanting to cry. My heart is broken so many times this week I can't believe I'm still standing, and not doubled over in pain and grief.

Is there a silver lining?

I hate that expression. I'm a born pessimist, and I don't consciously look for the positive in bleak situtations.  A few days before that, I found out I was disqualified for a scholarship, because I didn't have any dependents. In the language of the Tarot cards, the three of swords meant heart break. if that were true, I have three massive swords sticking out of my chest.

I have another interview with Dream Company. I can't help but think the cosmos is pushing me towards a writer's life. I cancelled an interview with a magazine, because I was convinced I was going to get the business internship instead. I'm looking for cues somewhere, and maybe I can find answers.

Maybe the drops of blood will reveal the answers.

Wishes, gathering strength

My borrowed laptop won't allow me to access my own blog which explains my absence. Another thing that could explain my absence is the sudden burst of good fortune in my life for which I have no explanation. My Dream Company called me not just once, but twice for job interviews. The first one happened over the phone on November 6 at 11 AM. The next one will happen on Nov. 27 at 8 AM.

How did I get so lucky? Such intense and amazing luck begs to be understood and examined; I'm still walking around viciously questioning how I managed to slip past the gates to get not just one, but two interviews.

A Humanities major with zero technical and mechanical skills.

I'm interviewing with one of the biggest STEM companies in the whole entire world. I know quite a few people who would kill for my slice of good fortune.

But is it really good fortune?

I read somewhere that success if 90% showing up. Trust me, I was showing up. I showed up even if I didn't know I was invited to the party.