un-settled

And so I finally get my much-anticipated raise and promotion. Did the heavens open and the angels sang? No. Although I wish they did, because right now I feel nothing but "..."

Frankly the raise and the promotion came up at the worst time. The past two weeks we've been dealing with constant customer complaints and staff upheavals. It felt like someone hexed my whole department and dropped bad juju all over the place. Most days I have to keep myself from typing up a resignation letter and mailing it off to my boss.

I'm riddled with anxiety and self-doubt. After a disastrous encounter with an irate client, I was thoroughly convinced this isn't the work for me, and I had better start looking for somethng else. The problem is, entry-level editorial jobs pay almost no money and I'm in an upward trend with my salary. I've doubled my salary in less than a year, and once I get my paycheck this week, that would inch up even more.

Really, how do you give up an upward trend in your finances?

Not to say I'm not looking for opportunities, in a couple of weeks I'm going to emcee a fundraising event for my beloved NGO. I've also been picking up more opportunities to get involved with them, which I hope might end up building my resume.

Still, that nagging voice inside my head lingers. It keeps telling me to keep looking, to keep forging
ahead.

In the meantime, I have papers to write for school. The past few weeks have drained all my mental energy to the point where the words don't flow like it normally does. Essays are harder to squeeze out of me when before I could write page after page with no effort at all...

Now I'm looking for a new apartment. I've found a roommate, my co-worker coincidentally, whose upward mobility I've been pushing for since we met. In my mind the apartment is 2 bedrooms, 2 bath, right smack in the middle of a bustling downtown area close to work. Accessibility to the local library highly desired, private and gated, even more so. Affordable without giving up the luxury and the comforts.

I'll let you know how it all works out.