envy

Some things I'll never learn--for instance, never look up your rival online. No matter how juicy and compelling her LinkedIn profile looks like, just don't give in.

Too late.

She's that girl I've always thought I should be. She goes horseback riding for one thing, and I try not to scream with envy. Her resume boasts of places where I would kill to work, and her titles--her business titles, they just drip with cash, benefits, and the luxe life--none of which I have or own.

I should be better than this, but I'm really not.

I'm an accomplished woman, in my own way. I've won journalism and creative writing awards. I've won lucrative scholarships. I'm a philantrophist (in my own small ways), and I'm a prolific investor. And yet, and yet--the envy pangs are eating away at my kidneys, and most especially, my heart.

My heart, my heart.

My gratefulness for all of my life's blessings disappeared in a wink. I heard news that I'm hired as a Student Advisory Board Leader for the next three quarters--effectively sealing scholarship money for my last year in college.

I feel like an ungrateful little witch.

Truly, the universe and the gods have multiplied my blessings, and here I am whining about some lady who has no idea who I am.

Endlessly comparing myself to others will poison the well of my own happiness--something to remember and keep to heart.