green

You know those movies that we've all watched, when the protagonist finds out in the end, her geeky male bestfriend is her true love after all?

I was washing my hair (all of my wonderful thoughts happen when I'm around water, not a coincidence since water is the universal symbol of the unconscious) when I realized, quite candidly, I've been sitting on a goldmine after all and I was too foolish to notice.

My job at the natural food store, of course.

Last Friday, I had a meeting with my boss which ended up exactly the opposite of how I thought it was going to turn out. I had expected a meeting where all my faults and inadequacies are all lined up in front of me, to mock me, and remind me that I'm not as good of a manager as I once was. When I had the energy, and the vitality, more importantly, the vision to become a great manager in my workplace.

What I didn't expect, which I should have expected since I "received" a message from the ether on my way to work about a pay raise. Not me, I thought. It's not time.

But it is time, and the time is now. I hadn't meant to cry and get emotional, but I did get weepy and I choked back some happy tears for one of the best news anyone could receive in 2013. As of last Friday, I'm officially making the most money I've ever made in my life. Save for a couple of scholarships I won, which amounted to a few hundred dollars an hour--but a one-time windfall doesn't count. What counts is making the most money you've ever made in your life hour after hour, paycheck after paycheck. The good news is this kind of pay doesn't top out. It only gets better from that point on.

A few years ago I set a very lofty wage scale for myself. A very low integer (in hyperexpensive Seattle, anyway) which I exceeded a few months ago, and the integer that I'm making now is laughing at my old integer. I remember when I told myself that number is all the money I'll ever need, and now I have surpassed that number. People are right, you always want more. Always.

I wonder how greed and philantrophy can exist in the same small place inside my heart. They circle each other like feuding cats, ready to claw the other one out.