small, good things

A palette of orange, pink, blue and purple was splashed across the night sky against Lake Washington. Somehow, I had forgotten about the cutting remarks I've been picking up here and there from colleagues about our (by "our," I mean, the management team) complete inability to be everyone for everybody.

Trust me. I want to help.

Somehow, I lost control of my feelings and I snapped at a co-worker whose particularly cutting remark about how so and so will fix "our mess" when she returns from vacation, cut too deep against my heart.

Who do you think writes the schedule?! (the underlying message: who do you think created this mess?)

Chastened, she backtracked, by then, I felt terrible and embarassed that I had such great control over my own feelings and I let loose.

And so I drove down 405 in search of nature, and from the right side of my car I saw the spectacular view of Lake Washington in a cold January afternoon. All I wanted to do was take a walk underneath the trees, with the lake beside me and I know life is going to be okay.

"You can walk away from all of this."

The celestial message was right, I can walk away from all of this foolishness. I have youth, on my side. Not only that, I don't have a house or children or a husband to explain myself to. I never wanted to be one of those women who can't walk away from it all; 28 years later, I'm still that woman who can walk away from it all.

So I went to a bar I like to call, "the least assholey sports bar I can find." The bartender is nice, and he leaves his patrons to float around in their own thoughts. I had wanted a beer, but I could never finish my Amber. I opted for my usual instead, a 6 0z pour of Prosecco served on a flute; and I had fries and too-sweet wings and watched the sports channel. Life is good.

A few good, wonderful things happened this week too. My new advisory job with an NGO started this Thursday. Despite my packed work schedule, I found myself lighting up from the inside with the prospect of harnessing all my advocacy efforts into one place. Next month, we are headed to Olympia to lobby for additional educational funding especially for the poorest, and neediest students in WA state.

Small, good things are piling up in my gratitude jar. In a time when people no longer feel it's necessary to say "thank you," I'm grateful and I say thank you, thank you, thank you.